Bullying and the Virtual Space by Jocelyn Cunningham
What is bullying?
Bullying is the targeted, aggressive and unwanted persistent negative behaviour that is repeated against a person with the intention of causing fear, distress, or harm to another person’s body, emotions, self-esteem or reputation.
Unfortunately, bullying can often go unnoticed and social media has a big part to play in regard to cyber bullying. The proliferation of smartphones and the popularity of social media has transformed where, when and how bullying takes occurs.
The most common types of bullying are;
- Verbal: Persistent name-calling, mockery, insults or abuse.
- Physical: Pushing, shoving, assaults, threats of assault and damage to property.
- Gesture: Intimidating or demeaning gestures or glances that bear threatening messages.
- Exclusion: Socially isolating, leaving a person out, unwanted, pushed aside, or ignoring a person.
- Extortion: Directly or indirectly coercing another person to give away their property or money.
- Relational: causes harm by destroying an individual’s peer relationships and social status.
Exclusion occurs not only with children, but adults as well, especially on social media, in family, colleges, schools and workplaces. Regardless of where or how it occurs, it can cause immense pain to the person on the receiving end of it. This has a knock on affect as it can spill into family life, friendships, cause low self-esteem, trauma and stress. Exclusion is a serious and powerful bullying control technique used by bullies. I am certain that many of us have experienced being left out at some stage in our lives, and remember the pain of this negative occurrence. Ostracising causes introspection and fear because we find it difficult to come to terms with or understand why or how this is happening to us and could possibly hurt us. We may feel that we don’t fit in for various reasons. Our thought processes could ‘run away with us’ in the hope of justifying the fact that we are on the receiving end of such deliberate exclusion. The fact of the matter is this is a very cruel manipulative technique and the issue for usually lies with the perpetrator/s.
Relational bullying is not commonly known, yet it is one of the most commons forms of bullying. Relational bullying causes harm by destroying an individual’s peer relationships and social status. It could involve social exclusion, malicious gossip, spreading of untruths about a particular person. The list goes on….. This is a form of indirect and emotional bullying.
The reality of bullying and its effects on the victim
• Chronic depression
• Increased risk of suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, and suicide attempts
• Anxiety disorders/agoraphobia
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Poor general health
• Self-harm/self-destructive behaviours.
• Substance abuse
• Difficulty establishing trusting, reciprocal friendships and relationships
Verbal bullying, I would like to develop a thread on social media and cyberbullying. What is social media? It is a space where interactions amongst people of various generations can share, communicate and form connections through a variety of social media platforms, for example, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc., While it has its positives, it also has its negatives. Unfortunately, there are groups, (mostly anonymous) of people that seem to use this as a means to bully others with intention to cause harm. This is unacceptable, yet it happens every single day. We also have what are known as trolls. What is a troll? A troll is a person that intentionally posts provocative, unnecessary, or off-topic messages in an online forum, or blog, with the main intent of aggravating people into an emotional reactive response or causing a complete interruption of the initial topic or intention.
How to prevent cyber bullying
You can help stop online bullying in the following ways:
- Don’t contribute or engage with online bullying regardless of peer pressures or similar.
- Don’t encourage bullies by “liking” or sharing their comments, views or aggression rants.
- Call out misinformation and malicious gossip.
- Defend other people when they’re being bullied online.
- Block and report the bullies.
I feel that having awareness around this can be a powerful tool for a potential victim. I suggest that recognising that exclusion is an insidious and dangerous behaviour. There are solutions. One can seek trusted supports and confide in them regarding the issue. Keep focused on your own objectives in life and strive to achieve them. Always be true to yourself and maintain that unique quality that makes you stand out and inimitable.
I believe it takes a community to fully tackle bullying, a bully or online aggressive behaviours. It is high time that we all called out, reported, blocked and shut down those with the intent to cause harm onto others. I also feel that politicians, social media companies, workplaces, colleges and schools also need to address these serious issues. It is important to seek out trusted supports if you are a victim of bullying. It is important to know and come to realise that most bullies are trying to make up for their own shortcomings. They are usually insecure or hide behind anonymous fake accounts. In some cases, the bully is bullied elsewhere or may have been made to feel inadequate in some way and the best way for them to feel empowered is to take it out on people that they would perceive as being weak/vulnerable or an easy target. It is important to remember that you have not done anything wrong. Bullies typically crave power and control because they lack it in some aspects of their lives. Exercising avoidance strategies can be done by changing privacy on your social media platforms, not engaging with abusive behaviours, ensuring that you are not alone or in a position whereby the bully has power over you. It is important to remember that most bullies just want to ‘get a rise out of you’ so they feel like they have control. Label them as a bully in your mind and decide to avoid their bait and taunting. They might get bored and then stop. It is a fact that many bullies will back off at the first sign of active resistance and push back by a victim. By calling them out for their actions, it is important to take into consideration the following:
- Approach the situation safely, have a plan in place that will also relieve some anxiety.
- Calmly and self-assuredly assert yourself.
- Be specific and factual about the issues and remind them that what they are doing is not okay.
Depending on the severity of the bullying, it might be a good idea to have supports on board. Sometimes the issue can be handled privately. This is a precautionary measure to ensure that things don’t escalate. Finally, please look after yourself and take care of each other. It takes less energy to be kind and compassionate than it does to be aggressive or act in an unkind manner.
Jocelyn Cunningham, Psychotherapist and Author with Book Hub Publishing.
References
dontstickit.org.uk 2020 {online} accessed 19 Jan 2020
Hurley, K short term and long term effects of bullying, 2018 [online] accessed 19 Jan 2020
