At times I wonder how it all happened, how I got to this point in my life with everything that should have held me back.
I now know it was because of a bigger calling, one I felt did not exist in my life anymore. My soul contracts, my agreements, the ones I had made before I got here. This was all much bigger than me, a bigger plan on how things were about to unfold in my life.
I have begun to think about why this had happened to me, what had I done to deserve this. It took me some time to realise that nothing I have done has caused this; this has all been planned out for me from the very beginning. Our reasons for being together, the things we were going to teach one another, the highs and the lows in this story called “life.”
Being the ‘victim’ came naturally to me. I felt life had let me down. I have very sick children with a disease that cannot be cured, I learned that they also have autism and then another blow; I was told that I have Multiple Sclerosis. Any person with all of this weight to carry might well feel like they are a victim so why shouldn’t I feel like I am a victim? why shouldn’t I say “why me?”
I have discovered that there is more to this, it doesn’t end here, not like this, not for us.
I started to feel empowered and believed that I could get through anything after everything I had gone through to get me where I am today but life then hit me with the biggest blow of all. As it does. The death of my mother, my best friend, the one person that was with me through it all so far. Straight away, I went into myself not knowing how to carry on without her. How could God do this to me? How could he take her away from me? Where was I going to go from here? She was the one to always pick me up and stand beside me in everything life threw at me. How can I live without my mother?